If your child appears to be displaying behaviors that are related to anger, such as screaming, crying, and/or physical aggression…Try these strategies:

• Understand that behavior is communication 
• Once the child is calm, encourage them to talk about and problem solve more effective ways to get what they want
• “You were really angry/upset, and I want to understand why.” 
• When child is upset, keep talking to a minimum 
• When you do speak, make sure your voice is neutral, calm, quiet
• Keep it short/repeat 
• “I’m here for you” 
• “Tell me when you are ready to talk” 
• “Let’s go calm down” (or another phrase that reminds them to utilize their calm down area)
• Designate a “calm down” area
• Comfy place to sit/lay 
• Stress ball/other fidgets/paper to tear 
• Quiet/calm music 
• Paper to doodle/journal 

• As parents we can show our children what calm behavior looks like by remaining in control of our own emotions/action 
• Use self-talk (“share my calm, don’t joint the chaos”; “they are having a hard time, not giving me a hard time”) 
• Take deep breaths 
• Use a grounding technique (e.g. stress ball, take a sip of cold water)
• Once your child calms down, praise appropriate behavior (e.g. “I love how you and your brother are sharing your toys”) 
• You can also encourage appropriate behavior by creating a way for your child to earn some of their favorite toys/activities
• Have the child earn points/stickers to earn something they really enjoy (e.g. 10 stickers = 20 minutes of video games)
• To avoid tantrums: 
• Provide time warnings (“5 more minutes”)
• Break down tasks into simple one-step directions (“first put on your shoes”) 
• Use “When/Then” statements (“When you finish schoolwork, then you can watch TV”) 
• Set clear expectations and rules 
• Provide frequent reminders of those expectations and rules (Visual cues for younger children) 
• If your child displays physical aggression: 
• Be consistent when addressing behaviors 
• “Hitting is not okay, you need to spend some time by yourself and calm down.” 
• Provide immediate consequences/space to calm down 
• Younger children may benefit from a timeout or spending time in a calm down area

• “You cannot hit your brother when you are mad. When you are quiet and calm for 2 minutes, you can come back and play with your brother”
• Older children should go to their room/calm area to calm down 
• Loss of privileges
• If they hurt someone, after they are calm, they should be encouraged to apologize/repair the relationship
• Discipline should teach your child what to do instead (“use your words” vs. “don’t hit”)