Crying is a normal response to strong emotions. If your child is demonstrating excessive crying or a change in crying frequency…Try these strategies:
Reassure your child or teen that they are safe. Let them know it is ok if they feel upset. Share with them how you deal with your own stress so that they can learn how to cope from you.
Explain that crying is how we process big emotions
Discuss emotion at times when things are calm
Remind them of other times when the child has overcome obstacles
Describe how a familiar movie, television or book characters handled their emotions.
Attention or rumination often reinforces crying behavior
When the child is crying set a timer for how long you will indulge the topic causing the tears
Provide a safe place for the child to cry without an audience
Emphasize that emotions will come and go. Talk about the visual of emotions acting as waves on a beach, it will wash in and wash out.
Problem solve with your child
Count to ten
Take deep breaths
Take a break
Use positive self-talk (e.g., “I can do this!)
Label the issue at hand, identify sensations they are feeling in their body due to the issue, identify what they need to do to feel better immediately (e.g., nap, take a walk), and brainstorm what they can do to calm when they feel this way. For example,
If your child is sleeping irregularly or has difficulty sleeping…Try these strategies:
Create a relaxing bedtime routine:
Shower
Read a book
Engage in light stretches
Go to bed/wake up at the same time each day (set an alarm to help)
Do not use your bed for anything other than sleeping
If possible, complete school work outside the bedroom setting
One hour before planned bedtime:
Avoid all electronic screens
Avoid drinks with caffeine
Avoid large meals
Throughout the day:
Engage in physical exercise (10 minute walk)
Limit naps to 30 minutes
Ensure adequate exposure to natural light
If unable to fall asleep after ~30 mins, get out of bed and engage in a calm alternative activity until sleepy (e.g. reading a book, meditating) then try again.
If your child appears to be displaying behaviors that are related to anger, such as screaming, crying, and/or physical aggression…Try these strategies:
Understand that behavior is communication
Once the child is calm, encourage them to talk about and problem solve more effective ways to get what they want
“You were really angry/upset, and I want to understand why.”
When child is upset, keep talking to a minimum
When you do speak, make sure your voice is neutral, calm, quiet
Keep it short/repeat
“I’m here for you”
“Tell me when you are ready to talk”
“Let’s go calm down” (or another phrase that reminds them to utilize their calm down area)
Designate a “calm down” area
Comfy place to sit/lay
Stress ball/other fidgets/paper to tear
Quiet/calm music
Paper to doodle/journal
As parents we can show our children what calm behavior looks like by remaining in control of our own emotions/action
Use self-talk (“share my calm, don’t joint the chaos”; “they are having a hard time, not giving me a hard time”)
Take deep breaths
Use a grounding technique (e.g. stress ball, take a sip of cold water)
Once your child calms down, praise appropriate behavior (e.g. “I love how you and your brother are sharing your toys”)
You can also encourage appropriate behavior by creating a way for your child to earn some of their favorite toys/activities
Have the child earn points/stickers to earn something they really enjoy (e.g. 10 stickers = 20 minutes of video games)
To avoid tantrums:
Provide time warnings (“5 more minutes”)
Break down tasks into simple one-step directions (“first put on your shoes”)
Use “When/Then” statements (“When you finish schoolwork, then you can watch TV”)
Set clear expectations and rules
Provide frequent reminders of those expectations and rules (Visual cues for younger children)
If your child displays physical aggression:
Be consistent when addressing behaviors
“Hitting is not okay, you need to spend some time by yourself and calm down.”
Provide immediate consequences/space to calm down
Younger children may benefit from a timeout or spending time in a calm down area
“You cannot hit your brother when you are mad. When you are quiet and calm for 2 minutes, you can come back and play with your brother”
Older children should go to their room/calm area to calm down
Loss of privileges
If they hurt someone, after they are calm, they should be encouraged to apologize/repair the relationship
Discipline should teach your child what to do instead (“use your words” vs. “don’t hit”)
During this crisis, some children may lose the ability to feel joy. The things that once made them happy are no longer fun or enjoyable. If your child no longer shows interest in activities he or she once enjoyed…Try these strategies:
Engage in social interactions through platforms such as Zoom, FaceTime, and Skype with his or her friends or other family members outside the home
Encourage healthy habits
Help your child keep a consistent sleep schedule with predictable times to wake up and go to bed, which is important to maintaining a positive mood.
This schedule does not necessarily need to reflect the child’s pre-COVID-19 schedule, but should still contain consistency.
A healthy diet and time for physical activities such as going for a walk or bike ride can also be helpful in boosting your child’s positive mood.
Participate in a home exercise with your child to help boost his or her mood, spend time together, and potentially elicit a few giggles!
Validate your child’s disappointment.
She or he may share about missing out on particularly fun experiences associated with the end of school/beginning of summer.
Give your child room to share his or her feelings and listen without judgment or without reassuring that everything will be fine and that you understand that they are disappointed.
It’s ok to tell them that you are disappointed as well.
Encourage your child to participate in relaxation techniques to improve his or her ability to cope.
Journaling his or her thoughts and experiences during this time, as journaling is a useful coping skill and will allow the child to look back on when we participated in social distancing
Deep breathing
Mindfulness activities
Yoga
Progressive muscle relaxation, which is the tensing and releasing of muscle groups in order, can be helpful in soothing the nervous system.
Start a new hobby with your child
Look for a hobby that is calming to you, but could also be of interest to your child
This could be cooking or baking a certain (family) recipe, chalk painting/redoing old furniture, knitting/sewing/crocheting, painting, starting a garden/planting flowers, etc.
Validate how difficult these times are for your child and how difficult it is to participate in social distancing and distance learning.
Hearing this validation from a parent can help calm a child’s frustration.
For teenagers in particular, help them recognize they do still have a future and that this difficult time will not last forever.
Encourage your child to continue to think about the future by researching college choices or teams or clubs they may wish to join once school resumes.
Model the suggestions listed above, possibly expressing your own worries and how you are choosing to cope.
If your child is refusing to do school work…Try these strategies:
Demonstrate an authoritative approach to parenting by being both responsive and demanding.
In demonstrating responsiveness, you convey warmth, caring, and respect as you respond to your child's emotional, social, and academic needs.
Establishing clear behavioral and academic expectations and routines (such as completing homework), having fair rules and consequences, and closely monitoring engagement-related behavior.
Use praise and rewards wisely and strategically.
Praise and reward your child for good behavior, but especially for behavior related to student engagement, such as completing assignments. (“I really like how hard you have been working.”)
Using rewards wisely and strategically also means that you are not harming your child's internal motivation.
Closely monitor and assist with homework assignments, as appropriate.
Provide a set time and appropriate place for completing homework, have clear expectations, and check to make sure all assignments are completed and on time.
When your child has options to choose from, guide your child to choose materials and activities that match their interests, values, and goals.
When choices are not an option, try to point out the value of learning the new skill—even if the skill does not relate directly to the child's interests and future goals.
Challenge your child to set short-term and long- term goals and to develop plans for achieving them.
Goals should be realistic and geared toward both academics and behavior.
Ask them to think about what one or two things they can get done today
If your child is demonstrating signs of fear, worry or anxiety …Try these strategies:
Label their emotions:
For example,
“How do you feel when ____ happens.”
“You look upset to me. Can you tell me how you are feeling?”
Allow your child to talk freely
Ask them open questions (e.g. what, how, why) to describe their feelings.
Normalize their emotions:
You can tell them that it is natural to be worried or nervous at times.
Let them know that there are times that you are also worried and anxious.
You can then tell them how you handle stress and serve as a role model for them in coping with challenges associated with COVID.
Tell your child it is natural to be worried or afraid at times.
If they are feeling worried or anxious:
Reduce their emotions:
Make sure to correct misinformation as children often imagine situations that are worse than reality.
“I know you are nervous about the virus, but there are things we can do to keep from getting sick. Let’s practice those things together”
Teach your child relaxation strategies, such as deep breathing or belly breathing.
Act as a role model, showing them how you handle strong emotions.
Be honest and accurate about social distancing and why routines are changing, but focus on the positive (e.g., “Isn’t it great that we have more time to spend together!”).
Empathize with your child’s feelings but do not reinforce fears
Keep a regular schedule/routine.
Focus on the positive:
Celebrate having more time as a family - do family projects and make it as fun as possible.
Allow older children to connect with their friends virtually.
Encourage positive actions, such as writing a caring letter to a family member or friend.
Remind your children that you are available to them, that you care about them, and that they can talk to you anytime.
If your child is refusing to do school work…Try these strategies:
Provide your children with an interesting schedule (predictability)
Wake time, bed times, meal times, and scheduled screen time should be kept as consistent as possible
Include scheduled breaks, times for fun/ reinforcing activities, particularly after children are asked to complete chores or practice school-related tasks
Make sure activities and expectations are specific/well-defined
For example, “after waking up, you will get dressed, come downstairs for breakfast, and then brush your teeth”
Create a visual reminder of the daily schedule for young kids who cannot read
Break down large tasks into smaller tasks (e.g. checklists)
Use a timer to help young children complete activities in an expected amount of time and anticipate transitions from one activity
Manage child’s behavior with positivity
When you see your child doing something great, tell them! For example, “Ava, you are doing such a nice job putting your toys away!”
Self Care Resources
The following links are purely for educational purposes and are not intended as psychological interventions or as a substitute for psychological treatment. If you are in need of psychological help you should seek the consultation of a certified or licensed mental health professional.
